I'm a Closet Drinker

Last Friday it began. My list of errands was long, and I was craving a Dr. Pepper for the first time since my clean eating began. Every convenience store seemed to have a huge, neon sign blinking the words, "COME BUY A DP. NO ONE WILL KNOW." My will power weakened. When I finally walked into the Stop-N-Go, I looked around for anyone I might know. After buying the poison, I held it tightly against my leg as I walked out the door. No one can know.

I sat in my car, parked at the back of the store, and took two long chugs. My taste buds came alive, but the shame was overpowering. "I have to finish drinking this before I get back home." I ran a few more errands, stopped at another store to dispose of the evidence, and then began the seven mile ride to the country.

And so began the multitude of bad choices. Between the kid's birthday bash on Saturday and starting back to work on Monday, it's been tough. In the midst of it all, I haven't gained back any of the weight, but I feel terrible. I've stressed from the beginning that's what is most important to me. I want to be healthy from the inside out.

Thankfully, my support system sustains me. One friend often reminds me that no matter how many times I fail with this, I can always start again. There's no limit. Creating new habits after 30 plus years of bad eating habits isn't going to happen overnight. It may take a year or more, and that's okay.

After yesterday's lunch of pizza and a dinner including a patty melt, today is a start-over, which is far better than being a quitter.

Observations from a Novice Healthy Eater

Healthy Eating Update

Seven pounds officially lost. I'm not as happy about this as you might expect because I'm losing weight in weird places. 

My former dieting escapades (starving myself) allowed for weight loss in two specific areas: gut and butt (thighs). With this healthy way of eating, I'm seeing weight loss in my legs. I'm sure there's some scientific explanation for this, and if any of you know what it is, please share. I'm baffled. 

I still can't complain. I feel better than ever before, and that has always been my main goal. 

Residual Effect

Now that I'm preparing a ton of food at home, I have discovered a bonus to being in the kitchen so much. Addison comes in to keep me company, and I teach her some of the basics of cooking. This bonding time developed thanks to our healthy eating. Yes, "our." The family has rallied with me to embrace this tough change. We have all discovered new foods we love. For example, last night was "Taco Night," but instead of corn taco shells or flour tortillas, we wrapped our taco meat with pieces of iceberg lettuce. Yep, taco lettuce wraps! The kids LOVED it. Of course I let them put cheese on theirs, while I stuck to pico de gallo as my only garnish, but I'm so happy to see them trying new things.

That Dreaded "W" Word

Yes, the weight is coming off, faster than I actually thought it might. But another startling issue has been my loss of muscle tone. My legs are thinning out, but where, oh where did my muscle go? This saddens me; my leg muscles have always been an asset, so I'm disappointed to see them go, especially when I have plenty of thigh fat I would love to see disappear. So, it's definitely time to implement Christmas' second major component to her "Badass Diet." The book gives workouts to do during different phases of your healthy eating, but I think I'll start with the Elliptical at my gym. Maybe that will burn off some of the cottage cheese evident on my hamstrings. Boo. 

Overall, this remains to be a positive experience. With my family's support and willingness to participate, the uphill battle is beginning to flatten. It will still be a battle, but with these troops by my side, there's no way I can fail.