Mom Guilt Sucks

A blog I began yesterday, Sunday:

So, I've been in bed all freaking day. Sniffles, sneezing, major sinus headache, can't breath, you know the drill. And all I can think about is that my kids need me. It's a beautiful Sunday and I should be with them. But, I'm completely worthless. Why does this bother me so?

Is it society? Am I receiving subliminal messages through television and media that says I should be with my kids every chance I get, sick or not, because they're only mine for a short time? Or am I putting that pressure on myself?

It's frustrating! Why do I feel so guilty about being sick when it's not something I can control? Okay, no more questions...let me tell you what I think.

Yes, in my opinion and experiences, our society has conditioned moms to feel guilty when they are not with their kids, no matter the reason. And when I say "society" I mean MEN. (Forgive the generalization; I'm only kidding, for the most part...)  I'm not a good mom if I'm not with Austin and Addison every chance I get. But the truth is, if I give in to these subliminal messages, that's really my problem.  I am choosing to allow outside sources to dictate my feelings about myself, and I take full responsibility for that.

Honestly, I do want to be with the Double A's (yeah, I just made that up) ALL THE TIME. Austin, at the age of 10, has already lived at home longer than he will probably live at home in the next 10 years. Did I just say that out loud? It's too much to think about.

Addison has come into my room from time to time throughout the day and snuggled with me, and each time I feel the urge to apologize for my inactivity. After all, there are dishes to do, a house to pick up, and dinner to cook, on top of the urge I have to just hang out with my family. Each time I apologize, she looks up with those big, beautiful green eyes and says, "We are spending time together. Snuggling is being together." Children are so wise! Why don't we listen to them or believe them when they graciously impart their wisdom on us? We think we know more because we've lived longer, but we're tainted.  We live with a permanent filter.  Children help us see through that filter, and we should take their innocent advice and observations to heart.

Today's continuation of the above blog:

I was feeling so bad yesterday that I decided to visit the doctor today. I officially have the crud. After a shot and two prescriptions, my mom guilt is cured! I literally needed a doctor to tell me I was sick so I wouldn't feel guilty. Crazy? Yes! But I can live with it for now.

Great blog I read regarding mom guilt! http://www.mommywithselectivememory.com/2012/03/french-women-dont-have-mommy-guilt.html

Why I Owe My Parents a Huge Apology

Parenting is tough.  And the sad part is I'm only dealing with a 6-year-old and a 10-year-old.  I can't imagine when I'm living with teenagers.  So here's our situation...

My son is displaying signs of back-talking.  "Displaying signs" probably aren't the right words, he's flat out doing it.  A lot.  And I'm sad to say, I know exactly from where he gets it.  I was very well known in the family unit for my stubborn will and constant need to get in the last word, no matter the shade of red of my dad's face.  I was continuously in trouble. (I also had an evil step-mother who didn't help the situation, but that's a story for another day.)  Sidenote:  Leslie Carter and myself were known around school as the girls who were ALWAYS grounded (which shocked me because Leslie was such a good girl!)

On one hand, I feel terrible for what I must have put my parents through.  It's extremely frustrating to have a kid who will not-shut-up after your buttons are beyond pushed.  On the other hand, this same character flaw has made me who I am today, a no-nonsense, bold, self-confident woman.  So, it's not all bad, right? That's what I'm telling myself as I open the spoon drawer after an Austin encounter.  I know he must face the consequences of the back-talk, but at the same time I'm proud.  He's learning to respect adults, as he should, but he is also learning to stand up for himself.  I won't worry so much about him; he's got guts.  It doesn't make it any easier on me now, though.  (And let's hope he never reads this.)

This may not make sense to a lot of people, but it does to me.  It's hard, and I will continue to parent as I should, but I also love the young man Austin's becoming, and I wouldn't change one thing about him.  He's perfect in only the way Austin can be.

So, I really must apologize to my mom and dad for all the hell I put them through, from the time I was born (colic for nine months) to well into my 20's.  I was a stubborn, unruly child and young adult, and I'm not so sure anything has really changed. (You'll have to ask Michael Ridge about that.)

But the question still remains:  if Austin earned this character flaw from me, from whom did I get it?  There's only two possibilities...