I'm a Closet Drinker

Last Friday it began. My list of errands was long, and I was craving a Dr. Pepper for the first time since my clean eating began. Every convenience store seemed to have a huge, neon sign blinking the words, "COME BUY A DP. NO ONE WILL KNOW." My will power weakened. When I finally walked into the Stop-N-Go, I looked around for anyone I might know. After buying the poison, I held it tightly against my leg as I walked out the door. No one can know.

I sat in my car, parked at the back of the store, and took two long chugs. My taste buds came alive, but the shame was overpowering. "I have to finish drinking this before I get back home." I ran a few more errands, stopped at another store to dispose of the evidence, and then began the seven mile ride to the country.

And so began the multitude of bad choices. Between the kid's birthday bash on Saturday and starting back to work on Monday, it's been tough. In the midst of it all, I haven't gained back any of the weight, but I feel terrible. I've stressed from the beginning that's what is most important to me. I want to be healthy from the inside out.

Thankfully, my support system sustains me. One friend often reminds me that no matter how many times I fail with this, I can always start again. There's no limit. Creating new habits after 30 plus years of bad eating habits isn't going to happen overnight. It may take a year or more, and that's okay.

After yesterday's lunch of pizza and a dinner including a patty melt, today is a start-over, which is far better than being a quitter.