There are no words...

My heart is grieving.  A little girl, who I never knew, is gone.  She is with God now, and there are no words.

I don't personally know this family from Grand Saline, but I know she was 9-years-old and would have been entering 4th grade with Austin.  Through this tragedy I am quickly reminded of one reason I love small towns.  The way everyone comes together in support, in grief, in love, in heartache is a beautiful sight.  Yes, the same happens in large communities, as well, but I think it's a little less obvious unless you are directly connected in some way.

I do not mean for this to be a "bash" toward larger communities.  As all of my close friends and family know, I have absolutely loved living in League City.  But there's an endearing togetherness in a small town that is hard to explain unless you've actually lived it.

I'm reminded of the movie Steel Magnolias.  My best friend in high school, Cristal, and I would watch this movie over and over again, laughing and crying all at the same time.  Every 90's girl knows what I'm talking about.  It's a timeless movie that, to me, sums up small town characters and attitudes perfectly.  When tragedy strikes, the town stops and everyone comes together.  It doesn't matter that there are bills to pay and businesses to run.  Life stops for just a moment in honor and grace, because we're all in this together.

Another reminder from this movie is the burial scene at the end when M'Lynn is struggling to understand why:  "Oh, God, I wanna know why, why, why!  Lord, I wish I could understand!...It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first."  There are no words to comprehend losing a child.  As a mother I cannot imagine what these parents must be going through.  There are no words to make them understand or feel better.  There are no words to explain why this happened.  Even the words "she's in a better place" are not comforting at this moment for these grieving parents.  We want our children here on this Earth with us, every-single-day-of-our-living-life.

So, there are no words.

The only thing I know to do is pray, feverishly, for peace and comfort for all those involved.  I do not know you, but I know a God who knows you and loves you.  I know an amazing community who knows you and loves.  And I love you, too.

"Shelby, as you know, wouldn't want us to get mired down and wallow in this.  We should handle it the best way we know how and get on with it.  That's what my mind says, I just wish somebody would explain it to my heart."

Our heart usually wins this battle.

(I hope the family of this angel will forgive the liberties I took in writing this post. Through grief, I write.  I am praying for you daily.)

Let's Be Honest

(Kids standing outside CFHS)

If you are familiar, at all, with the wide world of coaching, you know when a coach leaves, it's usually because there's a problem. Either the coach is not happy with the district or the district is not happy with the coach. So they part their ways, discreetly (ha!), and find a new mess to get into.

Occasionally, however, a coach leaves on excellent terms due to an advancement in career, retirement, career change, and so on. This is, thankfully, our current situation.





So, as I pack my classroom and say my goodbyes, it's not with animosity or negativity. I'm not mad at anyone or disgruntled, and as far as I know, no one is angry or disgruntled with me. It's a happy story with a tinge of sadness. 

But life goes on. 

One of my favorite book quotes, which is ever so popular now thanks to Hollywood, is the last line of The Great Gatsby: 

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Life does go on, but I've learned so much the last five years about this life, my life, and I'll carry it with me always. 

Because I wouldn't change a thing. 

Is This Really Necessary?

A dear, sweet friend and neighbor held my hands while standing on the sidewalk outside our homes and prayed for me.  I was humbled beyond belief because this dear, sweet friend was praying for ME in the midst of complete turmoil in her own life, most specifically health issues.  On Mother's Day she was in the hospital, fearful it would be the last place she would ever see on this Earth.  And here I was rambling about the stresses involved with this new and exciting chapter in MY life (selfish, selfish, selfish).

Here's a brief summary:

My husband accepted an Athletic Director/Head Football position in Small Town, U.S.A., Grand Saline, Texas.  It's a 2A school with a tradition in football, but, really, which school in Texas doesn't have a football tradition?  Nevertheless, the program has struggled over the last few years.  

Long story short, Michael began his new job, 5 hours away, on April 18th.  The last month has been the longest month in the history of the World (hyperbole, much?)!  Not only because I'm "keeping down the fort" on my own (you never realize how much your spouse does until they're gone), but also because there is so much that needs to be done to prepare for the move, #1 finding a home, and it's hard to look at houses from so far away.  (The Internet is very deceiving!)

This endearing new town to which we're moving doesn't have much to offer, housing-wise.  (It has so much to offer in other ways, however.)  It's completely understandable and no one's fault, but the constant struggle of trying to decide whether to "settle" on an existing home that doesn't meet all of our wishes and needs or to take the plunge and build a new house on acreage is exhausting.  

So, I'm in the yard with my sweet neighbors (who I can't even think about leaving right now, lest I suffer a nervous breakdown), whining about the issues of moving, when God gently put me in my place.  He reminded me that I'm healthy, my children and husband are healthy, and this opportunity he laid before us is really our dream come true.  For as long as Michael has wanted to be a head football coach, I've wanted to be a head football coach's wife.  Crazy, I know.

So, a shout out to my sweet Rhonda.  Not only did she allow God to speak to me through her prayers, but she also suggested this blog, just as a way to process everything that's happening and to keep everyone in the loop with our journey.

Is this blog really necessary?  I think so... 

An important note:  the welcome we're feeling from Grand Saline is amazing!  The kids and I can't wait to be there, and I already have friends reaching out to me in support, some of whom I haven't even met, yet.  Y'all are AWESOME! Go Indians!